Game Film Wk. 13

 

Alachua County library’s attendance increases as users search for job

Are we certain the increase is due to job searches – do we have solid evidence for this or is this just best-guessing assertions sans evidence?

Libraries gain popularity among unemployed

ßhmmm, are we still saying more than we have evidence for?

When thinking of a city hot spot, the library does not usually come to mind. But in the face of a sunken economy and high unemployment, people line up to take advantage of what they’ve already paid for with their tax dollars. ßagain, are we asserting more than we have evidence for?

here are some nice, neutral heds

Alachua County libraries see rise in attendance, borrowing 

More people using the resources libraries offer 

SEO

Report shows library attendance increased by 10,000, unemployed use computers for job applications

bit too long – and SEO would ask for Alachua County – e.g. =

Alachua County library use increases by 10,000 visitors, report shows

possible rewrite of lede to get away from the cause-and-effect

When thinking of a city hot spot, the library doesn’t usually come to mind.

But, the past year has ushered in a new high for library usage, according to Angela Harris, marketing and public relations manager for the Alachua County Library District.

 While Harris has no solid evidence to support her, she attributes this increase to the worsening economic situation as the county’s 10 public libraries have become more popular with penny-pinchers seeking free forms of entertainment. Computer use has also soared as the unemployed line up to search for jobs on library computers, Harris said.

briefs

(first, I noticed several people writing brief from scratch. That is like re-inventing the wheel. Just take the editing version of story and copy and past it and then cut away anything that is not the brief.)

Re library: So, one of the challenges of briefing a story like this is stripping out all the frothy feature-like aspects to concentrate solely on the nut of the news. Here is a job well-done à

According to a Library District statistical report, more people are attending the library during the current economic recession.

About 10,000 more people have visited the libraries this year as compared to the same period last year and about 6,000 more people have registered as borrowers, the report stated.

Circulation also rose by nearly 100,000 checkouts — about 10 percent — from the same period as last year, according to the report.

The past year has ushered in a new high for library usage, said Angela Harris, the marketing and public relations manager for the Alachua County Library District.

The county’s 10 public libraries have become popular hot spots for those looking for free entertainment, including books and computer use.

The number of people who use the library’s computers to access the Internet rose so much in the past year that the library began enforcing time limits on computers, Harris said. In the past, users stayed as long as they needed.

ellipsis

I once again note the proper use of ellipsis = “People are feeling the stress of a reduction in income...uncertaintyLL http://editingmonks.blogspot.com/2010/08/ellipsis-aps-rules.html

focus focus

“I like to check e-mail and look at books” she said,X  “I also meet my friends here.”

Charleston, who doesn’t own a computer, said the library has also helped her job huntX she uses the free computers to submit applications.

“I can’t do that at home,” she said, “SoX I come to the library.”

indict and charge

Sanderson couple charged for man’s death

That would be “in” man’s death – short for “in connection with”

Sanderson couple indicted on murder charges

Sanderson couple indicted in man’s death

Sanderson couple indicted in killing of elderly man

Sanderson couple charged with murder

 See what Google News has to say about indict

Couple indicted on homicide in stabbing

re seo – would anyone search for homicide?

Comma Splices re conjunctive adverbs – in this case however:
Following from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comma_splice
Winkham initially said that she was responsible for the attack on Burlap, L however, during her first appearance in court, she recanted her confession.
Comma splices are condemned in The Elements of Style, a popular American English style guide by E.B. White and William Strunk, Jr.^[2]
According to Joanne Buckley,^[3] comma splices often arise when writers use conjunctive adverbs to separate two independent clauses instead of using a coordinating conjunction. A coordinating conjunction is one of the following seven words: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so. A conjunctive adverb is a word like furthermore, however, or moreover. A conjunctive adverb and a comma (or a conjunctive adverb between two commas) is not strong enough to separate two independent clauses and creates a comma splice. Only semicolons and periods are strong enough to separate two independent clauses without a conjunction. (Note that although Buckley refers specifically to coordinating conjunctions, it is equally acceptable to use other conjunctions such as although or since.)

Charges

A couple people had a question about the use of “deadly weapon.” This means the charge is much more serious – in Florida it is a first-degree felony. See below for delineation. From: http://www.miami-criminal-lawyer.net/html/robbery.html

(2)(a)  If in the course of committing the robbery the offender carried a firearm or other deadly weapon, then the robbery is a felony of the first degree, punishable by imprisonment for a term of years not exceeding life imprisonment or as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.
(c)  If in the course of committing the robbery the offender carried no firearm, deadly weapon, or other weapon, then the robbery is a felony of the second degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.

Titles and according to

… charged with robbery with a deadly weapon, according to State Attorney spokesman, Albert Clarence.  

while it is not wrong, replace “according to” with “said” whenever possible

also on State Attorney – would you capitalize? Extrapolate from “presidential spokesman Albert Clarence” or would you say capitalize state attorney in “the state attorney said”?

Also, consider the use of the comma after spokesman. There is no “the” in front of state attorney.

Test yourself on this with the following quiz:

1. Which sentence is correct?
1. Scheduled to speak are house speaker Martha McGuire and senate majority leader Lance Little.
2. Scheduled to speak are House Speaker Martha McGuire and Senate Majority Leader Lance Little.
3. Scheduled to speak are House Speaker, Martha McGuire, and Senate Majority Leader, Lance Little.
4. Scheduled to speak are House speaker, Martha McGuire, and Senate majority leader, Lance Little.
2. Which sentence is correct?
1. Scheduled to speak are the house speaker Martha McGuire and the senate majority leader Lance Little.
2. Scheduled to speak are the House Speaker Martha McGuire and the Senate Majority Leader Lance Little.
3. Scheduled to speak are the House Speaker, Martha McGuire, and the Senate Majority Leader, Lance Little.
4. Scheduled to speak are the House speaker, Martha McGuire, and the Senate majority leader, Lance Little.
3. Which is correct?
1. City spokesman Bob Spencer said the city placed second.
2. City spokesman, Bob Spencer, said the city placed second.
3. City Spokesman Bob Spencer said the city placed second.
4. The city spokesman Bob Spencer said the city placed second.
5. The city spokesman, Bob Spencer, said the city placed second.
6. b & d
7. a & e
4. Which is correct?
1. In Lansing, the Republican Mayor Jonathan Parks referred to Wilbers as a weak leader.
2. In Lansing, Republican Mayor Jonathan Parks referred to Wilbers as a weak leader.
3. In Lansing, the Republican mayor, Jonathan Parks, referred to Wilbers as a weak leader.
4. In Lansing, the republican mayor, Jonathan Parks, referred to Wilbers as a weak leader.
5. In Lansing, the Republican Mayor, Jonathan Parks, referred to Wilbers as a weak leader.
6. b & c

5.     The U.S. Attorney General spoke to members of the Democratic party and their party headquarters.

a.      Attorney General should not be capitalized.

b.     Party after Democratic should be capitalized and attorney general should not be capitalized.

c.      Both uses of party should be capitalized.

d.     Only party after Democratic should be capitalized.

e.      Party after Democratic should be capitalized and attorney general should not be capitalized.

f.      The sentence is correct.

6. He said republican mayor Jonathan Parks had referred to Wilbers as a “nobody.”
1. Republican and Mayor should be capitalized.
2. Republican and Mayor should be capitalized and there should be a comma after Mayor.
3. Republican and Mayor should be capitalized and there should be a comma after Mayor and Parks.
4. There should be a comma after mayor and Parks.
5. The sentence is correct.
7. Western Carolina University chancellor John Bardo, who hired biologist Kate Williams from the University of North Dakota in 2003, has been supportive of Williams’ effort.
1. Biologist should be capitalized.
2. Chancellor should be capitalized.
3. Chancellor should be capitalized and there should be a comma before John.
4. Chancellor and Biologist should be capitalized.
5. The sentence is correct.
8. Western Carolina University’s chancellor John Bardo hired biologist Kate Williams from the University of North Dakota in 2003, and he has been supportive of Williams’ effort ever since.
1. Biologist should be capitalized.
2. Chancellor should be capitalized.
3. Chancellor should be capitalized and there should be a comma after Chancellor and after Bardo.
4. There should be a comma after chancellor and after Bardo.
5. The sentence is correct.
9. John Weber, Operations Supervisor of the Department of Parks, Recreation and Cultural Affairs, said the City of Gainesville will supply the shovels, rakes and other required hand tools.
1. Department of Parks, Recreation and Cultural Affairs should not be capitalized.
2. Operations Supervisor should not be capitalized.
3. Operations Supervisor should not be capitalized and the commas should be removed before Operations and after Affairs.
4. Operations Supervisor and City should not be capitalized.
5. The sentence is correct.
10. Madeleine Albright, the first female U.S. Secretary of State, will talk about her new book.
1. Secretary of State should not be capitalized.
2. U.S. Secretary of State should not be capitalized.
3. Secretary of State should not be capitalized and there should be commas after Albright and State.
4. There should be commas after Albright and State.
5. The sentence is correct.
11.  Former U.S. Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, the first woman to hold that position, will talk about her new book.
1. U.S. Secretary of State should not be capitalized.
2. There should be commas after Albright and position.
3. Secretary of State should not be capitalized.
4. Secretary of State should not be capitalized and there should be a comma after State.
5. The sentence is correct.
12. “That’s paying you guys almost $30 an hour to perform a public service,” John Stevens President of Glennville’s Honesty in Government Association said the during council’s public hearing on the issue.
1. President should not be capitalized.
2. President should not be capitalized and there should be commas after Stevens and Association.
3. President should not be capitalized and there should be a comma after Stevens.
4. There should be a comma after Stevens and Association.
5. The sentence is correct.
13.  Which is correct?
1. Diyonne McGraw, the vice president of the MLK Commission of Florida, said she would attend.
2. Diyonne McGraw, the Vice President of the MLK Commission of Florida, said she would attend.
3. The MLK Commission of Florida Vice President, Diyonne McGraw, said she would attend.
4. MLK Commission of Florida vice president Diyonne McGraw said she would attend.
14. Barack Obama was elected our first black President.
1. Black is capitalized.
2. President is not capitalized, and black is capitalized.
3. President is not capitalized.
4. The sentence is correct.
15. The President, Barack Obama, set forth a bold new plan.
1. President should not be capitalized, and there should be no commas before Barack and after Obama.
2. President should not be capitalized.
3. There should be no comma before Barack.
4. President should not be capitalized, and there should be no comma after Obama.
5. The sentence is correct.