Game Film Wk. 3

Intense lab but we covered a lot today. Study this for next week's quiz at start of lab. 


Here is that book I talked about = On Writing Well

Proofreader Marks Used by Editors Link

These can come in handy. Often when you are working with a long story, you will print it out and give its first read with pencil in hand. They are old fashioned by still useful.

Verb Tenses

The archaeologists found worn-out shoeshine equipment, such as shoe brushes and empty shoe-polish bottles. ßthat would be the perfect tense (have found) since this is going on as we read. It is not yet in the simple past tense.

Essential or Non-essential? Think about it.

Archaeologists, looking for a glimpse of 19th century U.S. Army life, are digging at San Francisco’s Presidio Army

Shattered plates including ceramics from Japan and China­ indicate who was

During the excavation, artifacts from the Ohlone Indians, dating back hundreds of years, were also unearthed.

Compound Modifiers

a glimpse of 19^th  century U.S. Army life (you will run into editors who say always hyphenate compound modifiers and others just the opposite. I fall somewhere in between. I would say a hyphen after 19^th.

Concision (think about it)

digging around in the earth

Shattered plates, including ceramics from both Japan and China, indicate

Focus Focus (can you spot the problem?)

Once evacuation has been accomplished at the site

at San Francisco’s Presidio Army base in what was once the sight used to dump the garbage

Attribution 
Don’t let the word "said" fool you into missing two sentences

"It’s not as regimented," he said, "people had to forage on their own and get the things they needed for their life...that weren't provided by the quartermaster."  
two independent clauses connected by a comma? 
The buried said

• today, Leo Barker, an archaeologist with the National Park Service said. (you would need a comma before said because the clause before said is what kind of clause?)
• However, even though New Yorker magazine uses said like this all the time – and it drives me crazy – avoid it. In news style, say : today, said Leo Barker, an archaeologist with the National Park Service. 

followed by appositive

In the 19th century, military life was very different from today, Leo Barker said, an archaeologist with the National Park Service.

 that flows out of paraphrase

other households used, "the fancy stuff that you would expect on the table of the wives of the officers.”  
according to vs. said

“The phrase "according to" can be used in attributing reported speech, but do not use it more than once with any single speaker. Although it is usually a neutral term, not suggesting either belief or disbelief, if you use it too often it can give the impression that you doubt the information the speaker has given.” This is from newsmanual.net – I carry this a bit further given the accusative connotation that “according to” can have. I say avoid and just say “said” 99.9999% of the time. Reserve “according to” for such things as reports, documents, laws, etc.

Last Week the M Dash – This Week the Ellipsis

AP on ellipsis ( ... ) In general, treat an ellipsis as a three-letter word, constructed with three periods and two spaces, as shown here. For more …

for their life…that weren't (wrong)

for their life. … that weren't (wrong)

for their life … that weren't (right)

Odd Antecedent

Once the excavation has been completed, it will be restored to its pre-historic state as a wetlands marsh. WHAT IS THE ANTECEDENT TO “IT” ?

Big Words

Once excavation is accomplished
Here is a bonus question re big words. What is the biggest word in the English language? ___________________________________________

Passive to Active Whenever Possible

even bones from meat eaten by the soldiers

One Minute Feedback
You will recall this is the last thing I would like you to do before you leave class – or you can do later in day and drop off in yellow envelope outside my office. They don’t have to be signed.

One Minute Feedback:  Complete this, print, drop off at my desk, in the folder outside my office or in my mailbox before the end of the day. No name needed. à See responses below

Trademarks

First, don’t use if you don’t know the product is that trademarked product. Also, here are a couple of helpful links from blog:  Trademarks & Trademarks - Eds Discuss Use of Brand Names 
 

What does BC mean? 

 BC is used to indicate that the story may be used by morning or afternoon newspapers. In other words Both Cycles – that AM and PM. For more, see …

Ellipsis (AP's rules)

ellipsis ( ... ) In general, treat an ellipsis as a three-letter word, constructed with three periods and two spaces, as shown here.
Use an ellipsis to indicate the deletion of one or more words in condensing quotes, texts and documents. Be especially careful to avoid deletions that would distort the meaning.
An ellipsis also may be used to indicate a thought that the speaker or writer does not complete. Substitute a dash for this purpose, however, if the context uses ellipses to indicate that words actually spoken or written have been deleted.
Brief examples of how to use ellipses are provided after guidelines are given. More extensive examples, drawn from the speech in which President Richard Nixon announced his resignation, are in the sections below marked CONDENSATION EXAMPLE and QUOTATIONS.
SPACING REQUIREMENTS: In some computer editing systems the thin space must be used between the periods of the ellipsis to prevent them from being placed on two different lines when they are sent through a computer that handles hyphenation and justification.
Leave one regular space – never a thin – on both sides of an ellipsis: I ... tried to do what was best.
PUNCTUATION GUIDELINES: If the words that precede an ellipsis constitute a grammatically complete sentence, either in the original or in the condensation, place a period at the end of the last word before the ellipsis. Follow it with a regular space and an ellipsis: I no longer have a strong enough political base. ...
When the grammatical sense calls for a question mark, exclamation point, comma or colon, the sequence is word, punctuation mark, regular space, ellipsis: Will you come? ...
When material is deleted at the end of one paragraph and at the beginning of the one that follows, place an ellipsis in both locations.
CONDENSATION EXAMPLE: Here is an example of how the spacing and punctuation guidelines would be applied in condensing President Richard Nixon's resignation announcement:
Good evening. ...
In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for the nation. ...
... However, it has become evident to me that I no longer have a strong enough political base in Congress.
... As long as there was a base, I felt strongly that it was necessary to see the constitutional process through to its conclusion, that to do otherwise would be ... a dangerously destabilizing precedent for the future.
QUOTATIONS: In writing a story, do not use ellipses at the beginning and end of direct quotes:
"It has become evident to me that I no longer have a strong enough political base," Nixon said.
Not "... it has become evident to me that I no longer have a strong enough political base ... ," Nixon said.
SPECIAL EFFECTS: Ellipses also may be used to separate individual items within a paragraph of show business gossip or similar material. Use periods after items that are complete sentences.