Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Game Film Week 8


Game Film Week 8
 See edited version of Violent Crime at this link on my Dropbox account.
NOTE: I am seeing some good editing, but I am also seeing errors the result of a lack of focus. focus. Here is rule to live by. When you think your are done, STOP and go back through your copy word by word.
  1. Which ARE  correct?
    1. You have to be aware of your surroundings because crime can happen anywhere.
    2. You have to be aware of your surroundings, because crime can happen anywhere.
    3.  Because crime can happen anywhere, you have to be aware of your surroundings.
    4. Because crime can happen anywhere you have to be aware of your surroundings.
    5. “It’s a trend that reinforces that, at all times, you have to be aware of your surroundings,” he said. Because crime can happen anywhere.”
    6. “It’s a trend that reinforces that, at all times, you have to be aware of your surroundings,” he said, “because crime can happen anywhere.”
  2. Which is better?
    1. The report compared crime from January to June this year with crime from January to June in 2005.
    2. The report compared crime from January to June this year with crime same period  in 2005.
  3. Which ARE correct?
    1. Robberies increased according to the annual report.
    2. Robberies increased, according to the annual report.
    3. According to the annual report, robberies increased.
    4. According to the annual report robberies increased.
  4. “Sgt. Keith Kameg, of the Gainesville Police Department,”  is probably better than “Sgt. Keith Kameg, with the Gainesville Police Department,”
  5. Which is correct?
    1. He highlighted three reasons for the increase in local crime – increases in population and increases in awareness.
    2. He highlighted two reasons for the increase in local crime – increases in population and increases in awareness.
  6. Edit this:
The overall goal of the department is to bring all the crime numbers to zero, though a lot of that effort starts with residents being more cautious and protecting themselves, Kameg said.
  1. Which is correct?
    1. … said Sgt. Keith Kameg of the Gainesville Police Department.
    2. … said Sgt. Keith Kame of the Gainesville Police Department.
    3. Inconsistent spelling that I need to fact check or ask the reporter what correct spelling is.
  2. Fix this: He said there also has been an increase in juvenile crime.

  1. When you see Department or Office at the end of an agency – such as the Centre County Sheriff’s Department – and you are not familiar with the agency, what do you do?

  1.  Which is better?
    1. In Gainesville, the only category that saw a decrease this year …
    2. In Gainesville, the only category that decreased this year …
  2. Which is correct?
    1. The City of Gainesville saw …
    2. The city of Gainesville saw …
  3. Which is better (think concision)?
    1. The City of Gainesville saw …
    2. Gainesville saw …
  4. Why is this logically unsound? = He highlighted two reasons for the increase in local crime, including increase in population and awareness. (See this link)
  5. What is wrong here? In every other category -  overall violent crime, murder, robbery, aggravated assault, property crime, burglary, theft and arson, Gainesville saw at least …
  6.  You can go to Sakai and review all your edited work.
    1. True
    2. False
  7. Which is correct?
    1. U.S. Army Sgt. Keith Kameg
    2. U.S. Army Sergeant Keith Kameg
  8. Which is correct?
    1. Gainesville Police Department Sgt. Keith Kameg
    2. Gainesville Police Department Sergeant Keith Kameg
  9. Where do you find in AP the answer to the above two questions?
  10.  Careful with the use of word “rate.” Review: How Is Crime Rate Measured?


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