Diana Goof

Publish Post

Game Film Week 11

Game Film Week 11

NOTE:  I would like to hear status reports on your independent editing projects on Tuesday

TRADEMARKS

NICE SOLUTION HERE: “employees hurriedly shut down the arcade games and began carrying large plastic bags out of the kitchen and throwing them in a large metal trash container^[1] in the alley behind a self-service laundry.”

Words Imply, Readers Infer

Plane grounded after woman aboard strikes matches

once again  recall that words can imply and readers can infer. Here, it goes without saying the woman was aboard, so that word is hedline padding. It could be removed to make hed more DWI. 

The FBI, Transportation Safety Administration and Airport Authority responded to the emergency at the airport.

Here again is another example. We already know the plane made an emergency landing. Then when we say these agencies responded, we don’t really need to repeat that there was an emergency or where it was at.

The 99 passengers, five crew members and luggage were brought off the plane to undergo security checks again. Bomb-sniffing dogs found spent matches.

under the heading of Words Imply, Readers Infer – do you see how it sounds like the dogs found the matches during this security check – which was not the case? This is the challenge of cutting stories. Sometimes you end up slamming together different bits of info and the spark unintended meanings.

Pizza place has problem with poop, passing health inspection

under the heading of Words Imply, Readers Infer what would you as a reader infer from this head?

Bumping Proper Nouns

unscheduled visit to Nashville Monday around 6 a.m.

most editors will say that when you have a proper noun bumping into a time element like this it would be good to put an “on” between. = unscheduled visit to Nashville on Monday around 6 a.m.

Active or Passive?

A total of 685 alcohol ads were counted by researchers during 122 televised sporting events,

Recall we discussed this with earlier story. If you see a passive voice construction, stop and consider if it could be rewritten in active voice. For example: Researchers counted 685 alcohol ads during 122 televised sporting events,

2nd or 3rd degree arson charge

I would ask you if you are still confused about this to look in AP at ordinal numbers under the numeral section. And also look at suspensive hyphenation in AP and on the editing blog.

Cutting and Inconsistent Spellings

Pat Lowrance or Lawrence , a spokesperson for the Nashville Airport Authority

even if you end up cutting out the one different spelling of a name, the problem still exists. Here, I have the advantage of having seen the original text. In a news room that would not usually be the case. The result would be a fact error leading to a correction.

HEDS

Woman strikes matches to hide body odor, plane grounded

Passengers smell burnt matches, plane grounded in Tenn.

Chuck E. Cheese to re-open after passing health inspection, poop no longer a problem

Mouse droppings found, health inspectors temporarily close Chuck E. Cheese

It’s easy to be fooled by the elliptical nature of headlines, but these consist  of two independent clauses, which means the punctuation is incorrect.

	Woman strikes match to hide body odor but   grounds plane instead

 

I like this hed. Packed with info and right up to the line. This is the best hedline I have seen this semester. Do you see how it tells a story in three lines?

	Woman banned from flight after striking  matches to hide odor

 

While this headline is good, think about your prioritized key words. Would “woman banned” come before “plane grounded” on your list?

Does the text support the Hed?

Research says alcohol ads influence children

Ads influence kids to drink later in life

Alcohol ads influence young to drink

Study shows kids affected by beer ads

WASHINGTON (AP) – Those fun-filled commercials at halftime may be influencing children to drink, according to research.

I continue to harp on this because it is a constant problem with professionals churning out copy ever day. For example, see this:

'The View': Joy Behar tells Sharron Angle to 'go to hell, bitch'

By Ken Tucker

Joy Behar condemned a political ad by Nevada Republican Senate nominee Sharron Angle as fomenting racial divisiveness. The View aired Angle’s latest TV ad on the talk show on Tuesday morning. Looking at the camera, Behar addressed Angle, calling her a “bitch” and concluding that Angle is “going to hell, this bitch.”

More at: http://watching-tv.ew.com/2010/10/26/view-joy-behar-sharron-angle-go-to-hell-bitch/

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[1] This is what AP says.