Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Game Film Week 7

Game Film Week 7
Titles and Appositives
1.    Which is correct?
a.    Ray La Hood, U.S. Department of Transportation Secretary, said …
b.    Ray La Hood, U.S. Department of Transportation secretary, said …
2.    Which IS/ARE correct?
a.    The U.S. Department of Transportation Secretary Ray La Hood said …
b.    The U.S. Department of Transportation Secretary, Ray La Hood, said …
c.    The U.S. Department of Transportation secretary, Ray La Hood, said …
d.    The U.S. Department of Transportation secretary Ray La Hood said …
e.    U.S. Department of Transportation Secretary Ray La Hood said …
f.     U.S. Department of Transportation secretary Ray La Hood said …

3.    New data from the Federal Highway Administration (FHWA)  show that since 2001, both biking and walking trips have increased by 25 percent since 2001.
ß FYI: IF YOU DON’T USE THE ALPHABET SOUP TITLE LATER IN STORY, YOU DON’T NEED TO USE IT ON FIRST REF.
4.    What is the clause beginning with surpassing called: Pedestrian fatalities dropped by 12 percent and injuries dropped by 17.8 percent, surpassing one of the goals in the 1994 report. You have a link on lab sked to this.
___________________________________________________________________

Edit the following. Keys: dead constructions, extra verbiage (concision), AP style. You don’t need to rewrite completely. Use proofreader marks:

5.    There is still work to be done in order to make walking and bicycling safer and more convenient transportation options.
6.    There is still much more work to be done in order to make walking and biking safer.
7.    There is still a problem facing the agency in fulfilling the targeted goal.
8.    Secretary La Hood recently announced that a policy change was made to promote bicycle and pedestrian opportunities.
9.    the U.S. Department of Transportation established two goals: To reduce the number of bicyclists and pedestrians killed or injured in traffic crashes by 10 percent.
10. It went from 1.7 billion to four billion during the same period.
11. It went from 1.7 million to four million during the same period.
12. However, in 2008, there were 4,378 pedestrians and 716 bicyclists killed in roadway crashes.
13. The number of reported walking trips has more than doubled since the first survey–from 18 billion in 1990 to 35 billion in 2009.



14. Q. Do you place report titles in quotation marks?
A. Yes, we would use quotation marks around titles of reports. 2007-05-16 (Source: AP’s Ask the Editor, Punctuation)

15. Here is why percentages often tell us nothing and why we need concrete numbers.

16. New data from the Federal Highway Administration show that both bicycling and walking trips have increased by 25 percent since 2001. WHAT YOU NEED HERE IS SOME CONCRETE NUMBERS FROM WHAT TO WHAT 
17.  In its 1994 National Bicycling and Walking Study, the DOT set two goals: to reduce the number of bicyclists and pedestrians killed or injured in traffic crashes by 10 percent and to double the percentage of walking and biking trips. FROM WHAT TO WHAT ?
18. From 1993 to 2008, bicycle fatalities fell by 22.3 percent, and injuries fell by 14.7 percent. Pedestrian fatalities dropped by 12 percent, and injuries dropped by 17.8 percent, surpassing the goal in the 1994 report. DO YOU SEE HOW THESE PERCENTS ONLY GIVE PART OF STORY – NEED CONCRETE NUMBERS FROM WHAT TO WHAT
19. Which is correct?
a.    The fifth- and sixth-graders ate lunch.
b.    The fifth and sixth graders ate lunch.
c.    The fifth and sixth-graders ate lunch.
d.    The fifth- and sixth -graders ate lunch.
  1. ALTERNATE V. ALTERNATIVE – SEE http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/alternate.html

21. Which is correct?
a.    The number of reported walking trips has more than doubled.
b.    The number of reported walking trips have more than doubled.
22. Which is correct?
a.    A number of walkers in that park have disappeared.
b.    A number of walkers in that park has disappeared.
23. Bicycle and pedestrian trips didn't fully meet the targeted goal.
24. MAKE ACTIVE: The agency’s report also noted that progress is being made.
25. To say that headlines are elliptical means what? http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=elliptic
26. FYI: New data from the Federal Highway Administration (FHWA) IF YOU DON’T USE AGAIN DON’T USE HERE 
27. FYI: The U.S. Department of Transportation (DOT) IF YOU DON’T USE AGAIN DON’T USE HERE
28. Compare quote and paraphrase. What one thing is wrong with the paraphrase?

QUOTE: "Americans want and need safe alternatives to driving. And by making biking and walking safer and more accessible, we’ll be able to provide Americans with more choices and help foster more active, livable communities."
PARAPHRASE: Americans need safer alternatives to driving, and by making biking and walking safe and accessible, we will help foster more active, livable communities, LaHood said.

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Friday, September 24, 2010

News Budget Example

News Budget Week 4 (Sports section of Florida paper)

SUPER BOWL – Detroit (AP) – Seahawks arrive in Detroit day before the Steelers to find overwhelming support for their opposition. Despite a small show of Seahawk supporters, a majority of the city is swamped in Steelers black and yellow. 20 inches. w/ fotos.

Reason: The Super Bowl is only a week away, and for the first time in the playoffs, the Steelers are no longer the underdog.

LIGHTNING – Washington (AP) – Alexander Ovechkin made the Tampa Bay Lightning pay dearly for a defensive decision to double-team him. Dainius Zubrus scored with 2:20 left in regulation and the Washington Capitals edged the Tampa Bay Lightning 2-1 Sunday for their third home win in four games against the defending Stanley Cup champions. 25 inches. w/ fotos and graphic (box score and upcoming games)

Reason: The hometown team, 5-0-1 in their last 6 games, loses a close game to Washington.

STORM – Philadelphia (AP) – Tony Graziani threw three touchdown passes and ran for another score to lead the Philadelphia Soul to a 52-34 victory over the Tampa Bay Storm on Sunday in the opener for both teams. 10 inches. w/ graphic (box score)

Reason: Storm lose season opener.

MARIUCCI – Auburn Hills, Mich, (AP) – Steve Mariucci, former Detroit Lions head coach, speaks for the first time since his firing in November. He said he plans to take “a long time off” from coaching. 15 inches. w/ photo (headshot)

Reason: Many have made predictions about Mariucci’s decision because of his refusal to comment on it. He finally comes clean.

CHAMPIONS TOUR – Kahuku, Hawaii (AP) – Loren Roberts completes sweep of Hawaiian tournaments with a win at Turtle Bay Championship. 10 inches.

Reason: There are a large amount of golf followers in Florida who would be interested in this story.
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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Journalists as Entrepreneurs



Neighborhood Blogs / Hyperlocal / Citizen Journalism / Citizen Media

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Bogus Trend Stories

Scan through these to get a sense of Mr. Schafer is talking about:
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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Game Film Week 6

Re: The lead is precious territory and you don’t want to clog it up with extraneous material: 
I talked with many of you about long titles in leads. Note that in Driver story this appears again. The reporter did it correctly. Short description “Florida’s highway department” in lead and then the full name in lower graph – “the Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles”
Perfect Tense and Time Elements (Review Perfect Tense Discussion)
Again - as I said in lab:
  • if you have a time element, then use simple past tense. 
  • If you lack a time element, then use perfect tense (has/have + participle)
For example:
  • Police arrested a suspect Monday in connection with last week's 7-Eleven robbery.
  • Police have arrested a suspect in connection with last week's 7-Eleven robbery.
Which are correct?
A Baker County grand jury has indicted a Sanderson couple with first-degree murder Monday in the August death of Derik Burlap.
 A Baker County grand jury indicted a Sanderson couple with first-degree murder Monday in the August death of Derik Burlap.
A Baker County grand jury indicted a Sanderson couple Monday with first-degree murder  in the August death of Derik Burlap.
A Baker County grand jury indicted Monday a Sanderson couple with first-degree murder  in the August death of Derik Burlap.

Passive vs. Active
(If not clear to you, read Grammar Girl on Active vs. Passive Voice) 
Also, review and:

Rewrite for practice:
Mellon was asked by Bush to present an update Wednesday and said he wanted similar reports each month.  
Since July, six express offices have been added for handling license renewals, duplicates and replacements in Miami-Dade and Broward counties, Mellon said.
    Focus Focus 
    Fix this sentence: "We are still faced with long lines of people and the pubic is still not being served within a reasonable amount of time," Mellon said.
    Concision (Fix these)  Focus word by word

    Mellon said his staff accomplished a reduction of long waits in driver’s license offices in the past three months. 
    Mellon said his staff has experienced progress in the past three months toward accomplishing a reduction of waits of four and five hours at some driver’s license offices.
    Mellon said that his staff has been successful in reducing wait times. 
    He said only motorists with accident-free records for 36 months would be eligible.
    The average length of waiting time at the offices in Dade County dropped.
    They reduced the waiting times that some driver’s license offices experienced. 
    Vacancies went only to those able to speak Spanish.

    They applied for part-time janitorial jobs with the company so that they could earn additional money.
    Suspensive Hyphenation (read about it at LINK)
    Which is correct?
    a.   Mellon said his staff has reduced four- and-five hour wait times
    b.   Mellon said his staff has reduced four- and five-hour wait times
    c.    Mellon said his staff has reduced four-and-five-hour wait times
    Just Plain Hyphenation
    Which is correct?
    a.   They reduced wait times by four-to-five hours.
    b.   They reduced wait times by four to five hours.
    Word Usage (Just say said 99.999 percent of the time)
    With each of these words readers can infer things we might not want to imply. Each of them carries a different kind of freight.
    a.   claim = replace it with ___________
    b.   concede = replace it with ___________
    c.    admit = replace it with ___________
    Datelines
    Which is correct?
    a.   Miami (AP) – In an unusual twist to the sometimes bitter fight …
    b.   MIAMI (AP) – In an unusual twist to the sometimes bitter fight …

    Please review the Alphabet Soup Rule
    Please review Job Descriptions and Titles in AP.
    Huh?
    What would you do with this directly quoted bureaucratic gobbledygook?
    "A longer license term for safe drivers could provide a tangible benefit to these drivers in recognition of their efforts toward highway safety.  At the same time, the longer license term could provide a means of spreading the issuance work load."
    a.   REWRITE:
    Review The Redact That Rule
    The company said that sisters Shirley Drayton and Beverly Barnes were not considered.
    They were turned down for a job because English is the only language that they speak.
    Officials of the company also said that job applications and interviews are in Spanish only.
    However, here which is correct?
    a.   Mellon said in the past three months, his staff had made progress.
    b.   Mellon said that in the past three months, his staff had made progress.
    Power of Punctuation (Do you see difference in meaning?)
    City Commissioners voted to repeal parts of a 1980 ordinance last week, which forced all city business to be only carried out in English.
    City Commissioners voted to repeal parts of a 1980 ordinance last week that forced all city business to be only carried out in English.
    Re DWI - Be Concrete
    There has been a large influx of Hispanic immigrants from Cuba, Puerto Rico and Central America. What does "large influx" mean. This is where reporter/editor needs to do some fact checking and put a number to this squishy abstraction. 
    DWI = ... despite the influx of hundreds of thousands of Hispanic immigrants from Cuba, Puerto Rico and Central America.
    Perplexed by Plurals?
    Which is correct? (See this link and look under Portions)
         a. More than one-third of Miami-Dade County residents speak Spanish.
          b. More than one-third of Miami-Dade County residents speaks Spanish.
    Which is correct? (See this link and look under Portions)
          a. Though more than one out of three Miami-Dade County residents speak Spanish 
          b. Though more than one out of three Miami-Dade County residents speaks Spanish
    One sentence leads
    Make this one sentence
    TALAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) - Florida's highway department is still seeking ways to ease congestion at state driver licsence office. It is considering a proposal for granting 6-year permits to accident free motorists, the agency's Executive Director said Wednesday.
    a.   REWRITE:

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